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Anti-violence group asks men to 'walk a mile in her shoes'
(by Rebecca S. Rivas - April 09, 2008)
A few unacquainted Washington University graduates ended up at a National Men and Masculinity conference together in 1977.
It was a time when men were trying to find their place in the feminist movement but were often pushed away.
Nevertheless, committed to the cause, these men started brainstorming ways to end violence, especially against women and children. The three ideas that stuck were a childcare collective, a coffeehouse that brought together gay and straight men, and a center for abusive men.
The childcare project and coffeehouse came and went, but RAVEN, a not-for-profit batterer intervention program at 3960 Lindell Blvd., continued, and this year marks its 30th year of service.
RAVEN has grown to include a youth-leadership program, started in 2004, to prevent at-risk teens from becoming domestic-violence offenders. It also hosts the annual Walk a Mile in Her Shoes event, when men walk a mile in high-heel shoes to raise awareness about rape, sexual assault and gender violence.
Walk a Mile in Her Shoes is a silly and fun way to broaden the conversation about domestic violence, which is one that communities often shy away from, advocates say. From police officers to bankers, men will put on the heels at 10 a.m., April 12, and walk a mile around Tower Grove Park.
“Domestic violence is always seen as a women’s issue, but it’s actually a men’s issue,” said Jane Palmer, RAVEN’s executive director. “I think it’s funny that women are always sitting around the table trying to end the violence.”
The issue will never be solved without including men in the discussion, she said.
One of RAVEN’s goals, which is shared with other batterer-intervention programs nationwide, is to allow men to talk about issues and feelings that are seen as taboo in modern male society.
At RAVEN, men meet in a group session once a week for 48 weeks to learn communication techniques. Violence is a learned behavior and can be unlearned, Palmer said.
“Some men will talk about how they used the techniques on a job site even,” she said. “They are skills that can be used anywhere.”
About 80 percent of the clients are on parole or probation. Some judges assign the offenders to RAVEN because it’s an intense program, but other times, the men choose the program.
Throughout the country, the standard intervention-program duration is 26 weeks. However, RAVEN facilitators say that this is not usually long enough for the lessons to stick. RAVEN’s extra 22 weeks give the men a chance to practice what they learn.
“This is often the first time that they are provided with a safe place to talk about their feelings,” said Carey Pearson, the adult program coordinator. “Many of them haven’t talked about gender roles before.”
The sessions include men who “snapped” for the first time and others who have long rap sheets of violence, Palmer said.
“It’s beautiful to see these men come together from various economic backgrounds and races, and focus on what they are going through,” she said.
Many of the men say that they “lost control.” Yet facilitators at RAVEN help men understand that the opposite is true. Domestic violence is a man’s attempt to regain control of his life when he feel his life has slipped away from him, Palmer said.
“We see ourselves as advocates for survivors of violence,” she said. “Some people want to lock violent men up and throw away the key, but that doesn’t get to the heart of the problem.”
Palmer said she admits that years ago, she would never have imagined herself working with men who batter women. As a victim of violence herself, she had focused most of her career on ending violence against women and children. She soon realized that women’s shelters and victim services are bandages to the wounds, she said, and the real problem can’t be addressed without working with men.
Although the past three executive directors have been women, men founded and ran the organization until 1994. Its legal name is Organization for Changing Men.
Despite various reviews and studies, there is no evidence that batterer-intervention programs are especially effective in preventing domestic-violence reoccurrences.
A 2003 National Institute of Justice report showed that a lack of steady employment is a more reliable factor in predicting a man’s rearrest than whether he has attended a treatment program.
Studies are limited because the information is difficult to gather. The three standard ways to calculate an intervention program’s effectiveness are client self reports, partner reports and statistics of rearrest. The last are easiest to gather.
Palmer said client reports are the least reliable, and they are not mandatory. The partner reports are worrisome to Palmer because contacting the victim can put her in danger. If a woman says something wrong, it could lead to her being harmed by her husband, Palmer said.
States vary on their policies of requiring domestic violence offenders to attend batterer-intervention programs. Palmer said that the men who make it through the full year are those who are court mandated, rather than “wife mandated.”
In Missouri, batterer-intervention programs must accept fees for the sessions. RAVEN offers a sliding scale from $9 to $40, and men can do a work exchange for $7.50 an hour for the sessions as well. One reason RAVEN must charge fees is to keep victims’ organizations from competing for money. Most groups are funded through donations.
Another reason to charge is accountability.
“It’s a big part of the batterer-intervention-program philosophy for men to pay for their actions,” Palmer said. “We want it to be a burden, but also affordable.”
Most of the staff members see the importance of services for men because there are few in St. Louis, Palmer said.
“You have to believe that people are capable of change, and step away from the myth of the client base,” Pearson said. “The men in the program have made bad choices, and they need education, support and referrals.”
Through the group discussions the men start to recognize what abusive behavior is and become aware of their actions.
“It’s not only domestic violence; you can be abusive to a place by littering. They start to notice this,” said Yael DiPlacido, case manager at RAVEN. “When they go out, they educate others by talking to their buddies. It has a ripple effect.”
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